he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
