i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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