Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
