so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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