Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
