I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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