i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
