i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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