My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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