Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
