Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
