You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
