cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
