Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
