i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
