Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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