I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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