Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
