also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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