so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
