drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
