girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
