i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
