The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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