But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
