i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
