I think my fart just growled at me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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