I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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