She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
