The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
