bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
