Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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