Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
