we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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