What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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