is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
