Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
