I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
