im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
