there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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