you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
