can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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