How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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