respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
