Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
