Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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