I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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