the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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