Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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