He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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