i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
