If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
