puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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