It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
