I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
