I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
