And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
