I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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