I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
NoShamevember. You game?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
