just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
