The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
