Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
