capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
