I'm jealous of your bromance
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
