did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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