But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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