SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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