I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
