and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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