i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
