i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
