Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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