Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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