My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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