Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
