you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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