In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
